sick

>> staring at my TL without doing nothing

Hai.....

First of all... hello 2014 =)
actually..im officially ended my 1st semester for 1st year
i know..i know...still have 3 years and half.. but who care.. ha ha ha ==
so.... am here..because
naaahh...i want to confess something
you know...to further study is my first choice..
but if i didn't get it..i will find work that suitable for me
but who know, lucky is on my side. i've got offered to further study at kinda the best university in my country
the problem here is...my parents can't afford it..i know..to make it worst..my lil sister also got the offer to further her study..i've tried to turn off the offer but they forbid me to do that..and so..they go here and there to borrow some money..its not that i'm ashamed but i can turn it off, go to work and just give my lil sis go to study..as much as i want to study..i think my lil sis is my priority.
and then..i've go there..to study..no choice..
and now...my family financial is NOT stable at all..and my father has no job..he just repair some computer if someone call him and planting mushroom..even he is doing that but the income still not too much..
my family kinda big consist 8 people..and can you think with doing job like that..can do much??
idk what to do to help my parents now..now we actually kinda have NO money
and its hurt me to see my father face..i know he is in distress
i don't know what to do..and its make me wanna cry so hard..but i cant! TT________TT
every night i cant sleep..just because think how to make myself to be active,intelligence so that any company will take me..and i can help my family... =( its kinda sad to have a daughter like me.. //cry so hard//